Beanfiddler



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Self~Acceptance

I saw this quote recently on social site i follow and got to thinking about how damn true it really is…

“Once you accept the fact that you’re not perfect, you develop some confidence.” ~ Rosalynn Carter

Love this quote..I have been the lucky recipient of total self acceptance after years of facing and owning up to all my own crap. The good crap and the not so good crap. During this soul searching journey, I was supported along the way by the love of my life who, from day one, has requested one thing from me..just to be myself. He has been true to his word and has never once tried to change me in any way. Because of this and the start of my new found confidence, I did change. Just by analyzing myself truthfully.. Even the parts that I wanted to ignore or forget..by actually seeing me and accepting my choices/mistakes/etc up to that point in my life, I began to notice the things that were utter bullshit that I carried around, things that weighed me down, and inevitably held me back from being the real me. And I started letting them go. All of it. All my hang ups that I had no justification to have. All my self esteem killing images of myself..all the petty clutter occupying valuable space inside me. As those things fell away, I, me, the real me started emerging. And all the while, there he was, watching, supporting, smiling every time I came to him with a new revelation about myself..smiling without saying “I told you so”. He has always seen potential in me..the possibilities based on what he already knew of me. He accepted me as I was on day 1, accepted and loved me the same on day 1003, and now..more than 10 years later..I think I have finally met the version of me that I am meant to be..it feels comfortable and familiar, despite some of the gut wrenching moments I traversed as I owned up to some mundane, mentally and emotionally stunting beliefs that I’d been carrying around for years. This is me. Confident, sexy, intelligent, funny me. Finally. And lucky him, lucky me..he still wants nothing more than that. The real me.

Nightmare…

Nightmare...

I posted this pic for Juxtaposition week challenge & when viewing it again, reminded just how inhumanly terrified i am of clowns..and then the realization that for that little girl of mine there in his arms..I would eat him alive if necessary. With pleasure. Children do many things once they arrive into our world..I just didn’t realize the depth of my connection to her would actually override the basic human instinct of self preservation. God I love my child…